Ryanair - yawn - naughty website hijinks

By Richard on 13/02/2008
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Ryanair V sign

If it's Wednesday, it must be time for a story about Ryanair. Today's thrilling tale involves Ryanair and the Office of Fair Trading, who have demanded they take their website down and remove misleading prices from it.

Of course, Ryanair don't see it that way. A spokesman told the Times: "Our software was designed to cope with 50 million passengers a year and we have reached that, so we are introducing a new site capable of handling more." Not so, says the OFT. "They were given until the end of February to make the changes and they are now shutting down to make sure they comply."

I suppose it must be fun to work in Ryanair's PR department. It's got to be one of the last jobs where you get to tell blatant fibs for a living. Oh well, perhaps the £20 million in lost sales will make up for it.

February rally - two fingers to the consultation

By Richard on 12/02/2008
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Kes

Over the past few months, John Stewart has been touring London and the South-East, building opposition to the third runway. Not that it took much building. From Richmond to Higbury, Ealing to Putney, London's residents are united. We may not all want the same person to be Mayor, but we want one thing: no expansion at Heathrow.

The 'No Third Runway 2008' tour culminates in a night that's not to be missed: a rally at Central Hall, Westminster. Speakers include John McDonnell MP and many others (including someone from Plane Stupid) - but who speaks is not as important as you attending. It's the last chance to stick two fingers up to Brown and BAA and to tell them to stuff their runway.

Monday the 25th of February, 7pm. Attend or be warned: if I hear that you chose to stay in and watch Eastenders, look out!

Boris backs Thames Estuary airport

By Richard on 11/02/2008
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Thames Barrier

As the battle for the London Mayor warms up, so the press releases by the candidates get wilder and wilder. If King Newt announces free bus travel for under-18s, Boris proposes banning non-adults from buses altogether. Meanwhile Paddick throws his lot in with the cabbies, and everyone steals Sian's opposition to the third runway.

But the latest idea doing the rounds is the Thames Estuary airport. Long known primarily for being the sort of place your parents complained that you sounded like you came from, the Thames Estuary is now being promoted by Boris Johnson as the solution to the whole 'economy v Londoners' battle which rages nightly in the Evening Standard.

Football's not coming home

By Richard on 08/02/2008

Man U airline

Footballers. Erudite gentlemen, known for their charm, wit and prudence. What the hell am I talking about - they're known primarily for being overpaid primadonnas with irritating perma-tanned partners and whopping carbon footprints.

Not content with creating an entire generation with nothing better to do than pay grannies to sleep with them, the Premier League has decided to out-source some of its games to far-off lands. Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore told BBC Sport: "I think it's an idea whose time has come. It's an exciting prospect."

Is it? Forgive my cynicism, but what's exciting about half of the UK's male population aspiring to travel thousands of miles by plane to watch Man U play Liverpool in Dubai or Singapore? It's bad enough that every World Cup sees mass hysteria and big profits for the airlines; now we have the prospect of even more emissions. Forgive me for not squealing with anticipation just yet...

Have Airbus heard of climate change?

By Richard on 08/02/2008
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Airbus take-off

Remember the one about the CO2 emissions and the potential catastrophe? Airbus clearly haven't. They're cock-a-hoop over some projections they scribbled on the back of a fag packet, which predicts massive sales for their big fat planes.

Airbus reckon there'll be 28,534 passenger and freight aircraft in the air in less than two decades' time - more than double the current total of 13,284. Of course, these planes need places to land, so - guess what! - they're predicting loads and loads of new runways.

Plane Stupid grabbed a smoker a few minutes ago, and scrawled all over their ciggies. We've worked out that if we don't build these runways, there won't be anywhere to put all these new planes, effectively scuppering Airbus's plans. Another reason to oppose the third runway (as if one were needed)?

In-flight activism with Virgin Atlantic

By Richard on 07/02/2008
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Richard Branson

Did you smile today? Try to watch less TV? Sieze the moment? Then congratulations - you're a Virgin Atlantic in-flight activist. Welcome to the world of We Are What We Do.

This is the latest nonsense from weirdie beardie Richard Branson who's trying to persuade Virgin frequent fliers that if they "Join something" then they're halfway to saving the world. Virgin Atlantic has produced an in-flight magazine, with a list of 100 actions which will save the world. Most of them are pathetically inadequate ("Use a biro from start to finish"; "Show empathy"), but that's not the point: "Our big shtick at We Are What We do is that small actions that x lots of people = big change. We don't all have to do everything. But most of us doing something will change the world."