Vote Plane Stupid for Transport Secretary

Vote for me

So it’s goodbye to Ruth Kelly, bane of environmentalists and apostle of airport expansion, who has resigned to spend more time with her family. Who will be next? No one seems to know (but everyone has an opinion), so rather than play musical cabinet chairs, I’m going to throw my hat in the ring. Gordon, if you’re listening, I’d be very happy to take over as Secretary of State for Transport.

I know that I’m not a Member of Parliament – although that didn’t stop you opting for Digby – but I have taken transport issues to the very top of the House of Commons. That’s got to count for something, right? After all, from what I’ve seen Transport Ministers are just meant to get in bed with aviation bosses, and how hard can that be?

Also, if declared master of all things transportational, I’d make you very popular in West London by scrapping that third runway thingy. That would knock the wind out of the blighter Cameron’s sails, eh? You’d be able to laugh prudently as he scrambled around for a new policy. Who knows, he might throw his lot in with BoJo and move to Boris Island, where he could be safely contained by Royal Navy gunships. What japes!

Gordon, desperate times call for desperate measures – and what could be more desperate than putting an anarchist in your government? I’m willing to give up my political credentials if you are. Go on, give me a chance. Vote Plane Stupid for Transport Secretary. You know it makes sense.

My name is Richard, and I approve this message.