Top secret police force to spy on Plane Stupid!

Allo, allo, allo. What's going on here then? I'm Inspector Clouseau, of the Confidential Intelligence Unit, and I'm here to investigate rumours that you may be part of Plane Stupid, the anti-aviation direct action group with a penchant for bad puns. Have I found anything out? I can't tell you: all our intelligence is confidential.

Yes, this is the news, first leaked by the Mail on Sunday, that bored plod at the Association of Chief Police Officers have started up a new super secret group to investigate any groups which have anything nasty to say about capital and the state. ACPO is the private company that masterminds the nutkins at NECTU, last seen leaking reports to the Observer that pretended environmentalists were dangerous terrorists. They've named Plane Stupid as one of the groups singled out for special interest.

Other groups under investigation are anti-Zionist groups, those who instigated the recent wildcat strikes and animal rights groups. We shouldn't be surprised really: history shows that the state and industry will do anything it can to protect itself. At least they got one thing right: they're also looking into groups of fascists; suggestions that they might like to start with ACPO or NETCU should be sent to Steven Pearl, Constabulary HQ. Hinchingbrooke Park, Cambridgeshire. PE29 6NP.