Revealed: the truth behind Tory support for South-East airport expansion

Last week Tory Transport supremo Theresa Villiers admitted in the third runway debate that a Conservative government would not rule out airport expansion in the South-East. This rightly confused many people: if there is no case for expanding Heathrow or Stansted, then where do the Tories want to expand? And why, if they are persuaded that climate change = bad, do they want to expand any at all?

I've been puzzling over this for several days now. If airport expansion leads to more CO2, and CO2 causes climate change, and climate change is bad news bears, then why support expansion? Then I had one of those lightbulb moments. I looked out the window and the answer lay in front of me: several feet of it, in fact. The Conservatives are supporting airport expansion because it's snowing.

Clearly all this snow could only mean that global warming was a myth; I mean, how can the world be getting warmer when for one or two days in winter we have a couple of inches of snowfall? Those crafty Tories must have checked the weather forecasts and worked it out in advance of the vote! Suddenly opposing Heathrow (where the votes are) and supporting airport expansion (because climate change is a conspiracy or whatever) makes perfect sense.