Bali party: one hell of a hangover

We've all been there. You're at the party of a lifetime, getting down in a stylish and decorous manner, making eyes at someone across the room. Next thing you know, it's five hours later, you've woken in a pool of vomit and your hosts are looking at you with eyes that flit from hatred to pity and back again.

So it was for the Americans at Bali. Most of the delegates were partying responsibly, but rumours abounded that the Americans overdid it. A lot. So while the other representatives returned home with their tans topped up, the Americans woke on Sunday morning with foggy heads and a dim memory of having signed something. Something bad...

Hungover and having barely slept, the negotiators sucked down coffee and tried to work out what they'd agreed to. 40% cuts in emissions? Admitting climate change was man-made? Agreeing not to invade anymore countries? Whatever it was, it was certain to be "historic".

Enter the spin machine, sowing seeds of doubt. The White House press secretary, Dana Perino, gathered the media to announce that "the US does have serious concerns," much to the dismay of those delegates who could still recall just what it was the US had signed up to.

In their addled state, the US delegates over-estimated what it was they'd drunkenly agreed to. No binding cuts, no concrete plan, just an agreement to discuss things further at next year's Winter Break. "All the nations in the world have agreed to negotiate a deal to tackle dangerous climate change," confirmed UK Environment Secretary Hillary Benn, to audible signs of relief from the American team.